How do you put the experience of dancing Swan Lake into words?
I don’t know if you really can. But I’m going to try.
This ballet was the dream ballet for me growing up; what young dancer with aspirations of becoming a professional dancer doesn’t dream about that white tutu and those classic swan arms? I’ve dreamt of dancing in this ballet so much that when I first started dancing with the Corpus Christi Ballet at the end of 2021, I knew I had to stick around to dance in this particular ballet. No matter what, I would be on stage for Swan Lake.
At the beginning of this year, my swan possibilities were looking pretty bleak. I came out of Nutcracker with a knee injury that was slowly forcing me out of class. After getting it checked over, I was relieved to find out that it was a simple matter of physical therapy and in a few weeks, I’d be good as new!
Nothing is ever so simple, though.
I know that there are dancers currently dealing with worse injuries than overuse and poor form, so it feels kind of silly to compare my discomfort and frustrations to theirs. I think I better understand my students that have gone through physical therapy and rehab for their injuries after this spring, and it’s not fun! My physical therapy was all about strengthening support muscles and incorporating a new focus into my technique to take the pressure off of my knee; at the same time, it was about pain management and pretty much starting my ballet technique from the ground up. Again.
Sitting out was frustrating, but I wanted to do things right and get back on my feet the right way. Building strength took time, and refocusing on my ballet technique once I could take class again was a new kind of frustration. I felt like a baby giraffe out there in my pointe shoes, my body forgetting how to do simple steps I had been performing for years.
But I think about some words painted on the walls at Physical Therapy while I rested in between sets of exercises: trust the process. It’s going to be difficult, but it’ll get better with time, and each little step forward will take you closer to healing. And someday, you’ll be able to come back stronger than ever, the work will have been worth it. Trust the process.
When I was finally able to take full class again, I felt strong. My body was feeling great, my pain was almost completely gone, and I felt like I might actually be able to dance Swan Lake the way that I had always dreamed! I had been given a corps part for the swans, and two other fun but short parts in Acts 1 and 3, so it felt like my body might make it; this injury wouldn’t hold me back after all.
We took a couple of weeks off for a workcation to Vietnam, and when I returned, things were ramping up heavily for Oklahoma and I had LOT of catching up to do for Swan Lake. Anxiety was high, travel had been hard on my knees, and it felt like I had slipped further behind than expected. But no problem, there were two more weeks to prepare for Oklahoma’s opening weekend, and then I could focus back on Swan Lake.
Then I was tapped to join the cast of Oklahoma as Dream Laury. I couldn’t let down my cast mates, and I was excited by the prospect of performing in one of my favorite musicals of all time! So I agreed, and worked things out with the remaining four weekends of rehearsals for Swan Lake.
You can read about Oklahoma here!
While I was dancing on stage at Harbor Playhouse, I was spending my Saturdays at the Corpus Christi Ballet finding my inner swan! From complicated formation changes to gracefully holding the classic, famous swan poses, we worked hard to bring the spirit of this timeless show to Corpus Christi. My knee was hanging in there, I was getting back into class where I could, and it seemed that things might actually work out, despite trying to work on two shows at once!
I couldn’t imagine being able to learn and perform this ballet without my Cast C Swans (swans that danced in both casts!), and my doubles for my other parts. Without their help, encouragement, and guidance, there’s just no way that I could’ve made it through this ballet! My fellow swans really came together as a team towards the end of the rehearsals, and I’m so proud of what we put on that stage.
If you didn’t already know, the swan corps is probably one of the hardest parts I’ve ever danced. The steps themselves aren’t necessarily the hardest, but it’s difficult getting twenty-some dancers in sync doing complicated arm movements and formation changes. Some of the running patterns that we made were especially difficult, but the beautiful effect of swans taking flight was worth every moment. I’ve danced in corps parts before, but I’ve never danced in one that was so complicated and physically demanding. Being able to dance that part was such an accomplishment, and I’m so thankful that the directors gave me the opportunity to dance as a swan!
Swan Lake challenged me in almost every way possible. The corps part pushed me mentally and physically, and it helped me remember just what it was like to dance as a team. Working with the other swans to get our movements in sync and space our formations correctly on stage took me back to days a few years ago spent with my college dance team, preparing for competition and half time performances. It was a welcome feeling, something familiar in a brand new ballet and setting. I’ve always felt that seeing several people work together to create something beautiful on the stage is one of the most incredible things that we can do as dancers, and this swan part proved that for me.
Act 4 was my favorite act to dance. By then, my feet would be stinging in my pointe shoes no matter what I did. Both my knees ached, my lower back throbbed, and my right shoulder burned. After completing probably the fastest costume change I’ve ever done and literally hurtling myself into position for the beginning of the act, the curtain would start to rise and we would be there on the stage. There was something about the change in the story, when after all this fear and sadness, we finally triumphed over Rothbart, sending him into the lake and leaning into our freedom. As if with each stretch of my arm to cast him away, I was casting away a little more of my pain and discomfort. It’s the act that always brings tears to my eyes when I watch it, and it’s the only act I’ve danced on a stage that has ever brought tears to my eyes while dancing.
Like I said earlier, Swan Lake challenged me so much this spring. It pushed me mentally and emotionally while balancing multiple shows, teaching, and more. I’m an anxious overthinker on a good day, and it was difficult at times to keep my anxiety in check.
Physically, as I finished up four show weekends in a row with long rehearsal days on top of them, I had to balance maintaining my strength and resting enough to prevent more injuries. My knee injury persisted a little bit, and as we got into the show weekend, my body ached more than ever. Five weeks had taken its toll on me and I was running on fumes by the time we got to perform.
I think about the last couple of days of Swan Lake, and I wish I had been more rested and more physically ready for the shows. I wasn’t myself backstage with all of my cast mates, and I wasn’t myself on stage as a performer. My greatest regret with this show will be that I didn’t take better care of myself leading up to the performances, and that my dancing suffered because of it.
But this spring and this show have changed me so much for the better, I think. Though my knee is hurting today, and I’ll probably have to regress a little bit with its healing, I know that it’s just the beginning of a stronger, better me. I’ve learned that I’m capable of so much more than I imagined as a dancer and a choreographer, and I’m so thankful for the opportunities from the Corpus Christi Ballet and Harbor Playhouse that allow people like me in our community to stay involved in the arts! I’ve learned that finding balance between rest and activity is essential so you never have to pour from an empty cup, and it’s a lesson I’m going to work on in the future.
Though I’m a little relieved that the last five weeks of performances have finally come to a close, I’ll be forever grateful for that spring in 2024 when I finally danced the ballet dream in Swan Lake.
By the time we got to the ripple at the end of Act 4 on Sunday, the final movements we would perform on the stage, I couldn’t suppress the tears anymore. I took in the stage lights up above us, the barely visible people in the audience hastily wiping their eyes, and the slowly lowering forms of the swans on stage as we completed our final movements. As my right hand came to rest on the ground, my left arm hovering gently over my head, I sighed with bittersweet relief. We had finally conquered this beast of a ballet, this epic of a show.
Jess Hill Dances 
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